In this blog, i am going to talk about what it is like from my point of view as a care experienced person, what it is like for someone to trust someone when in care.
‘Think about your best friend… it could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, brother, sister, or even someone at work, college, school or university… Someone who you can;t wait to talk too at the end of the day…. The person that knows everything about you and the person who you can rely on to help and support you no matter what’.
In the normal realty, this is what it is like to have a friend and what it is like to trust someone… However, this is not always the case for alot of people and that goes for us people who are in the fostering system and are care experienced as well, as ‘ oh my god’ many of us and some that i have come across during my time in care, including myself can find it really hard to trust someone new, someone old and even someone you have known for a while.
Alot of the time this can scare us, because all we want to do is be normal and not be afraid or worried what people will do or say, but from my experience this is not our fault, our trust issues come with the territory of being in care, but most importantly it comes from the experiences we hold both before going into care and even while being in the system.
During my time in the fostering system, the reality of being able to trust someone was a mystery to me, as i had no idea who i could trust, as everyone i was around, made me feel that I was the outsider, the person that did not belong, and the worst of all, the person who was the outcast with no one to care for me and no one that loves me enough to make sure I was safe. The idea of trust was very hard for me to comprehend as i had no idea who I could trust and weather I was going to be hurt again or if i was in a place that actually wanted to look after me.
In my opinion, this is the worst experience to be feeling as we never actually know or are even able to feel that we can trust people, but the fact is this can always change which in my experience it did after being able to settle into the placement after a few weeks, and once being able to get to know the people that I was living with.
Once being placed into foster care for the first time, it is massively scary for alot of people, even those who are already living there, as there is a new person in their home that they do not know, but from that moment on, it is great to be able to find a way to trust the people that you are going to be living with, which is not always possible for alot of us, especially if we have gone through a terrible ordeal that makes us afraid to trust people again, just incase we get hurt and incase someone tries to upset or even make us feel worse, because of who we are and the fact that we are in care.
So, from one care experienced person to another, I would like to pass on some knowledge and experience of how to over come the fear of being hurt again and the fear of trusting people. When you get to know someone it can be the best thing in the world, as you can feel that you have a brand new person in your life, which can be amazing, however what you need to do is let them prove to you that they are worth your trust as this way you have the control. This has always worked for me over the last few years because when it comes to trusting people when your in care, you need to have that chance to take control and make the choice on whether you can trust them or if you are better off just being polite to them.
This way you are in control and you can take the risk of being able to trust them or weather you feel you need more time to know them better.
By Anonymous Care Experienced Blogger