The babies are doing really well. L is now a lot more active and is eating really well. He has had a couple of check ups and we are awaiting the results of those, especially his ‘lazy’ eye. Little T is gaining weight quickly and is blossoming into a real little lady. There has been no further contact with Mum who appears to have dropped off the scene completely. Although we always support family contact, in this case we weren’t really disappointed not to have to do a difficult journey once a week. It’s not difficult to gauge what parents are going to make an effort and which aren’t. There are cases where you can understand why a parent doesn’t want contact but the vast majority of cases it is difficult to understand. Being a parent and a step parent means that you have an idea of the bond between parents and children and that makes the behaviour of some parents difficult to understand. There are many reasons why children come into care but I would struggle not seeing my children under any circumstances. I could tell you many stories regarding children we have cared for and each one would have a completely different reason for the children coming into care. Some you feel genuinely sorry for and some you scratch your head and think ‘how could you do that’? You always try to be non judgemental regarding family behaviour but it can be hard in some cases. A parent with an addiction for instance. That parent might have been an excellent advocate for their child, cared for it and provided a safe environment until their addiction kicked in. I’ve seen it, as a Foster Carer, and you really feel for the parent. On the other hand I have seen parents who give the impression that they don’t care about their child or children and you become concerned about the child’s future if they return to Mum or Dad. Unfortunately, as a Foster Carer, you do, sometimes, bear the brunt of the parent’s frustration if the children have been taken from them and this can be quite upsetting if you don’t have a thick skin. I have sat in a number of meetings and, received all kinds of comments, from the parent of a looked after child. Believe me it is very difficult not to snap back but it is important to retain your calm and not reply however difficult it is. That doesn’t mean that you have to accept personal abuse and I have got up and walked out of two meetings where the comments from the parent crossed a line. It is certainly better to simply leave the meeting rather than get involved in a slanging match. Also, if the looked after children are attending the meeting you don’t want them to witness any ill feeling between you, the carer, and their parents. This can affect your relationship with the young person and can undo the good work you have carried out during the placement. Family meeting can be interesting to see the dynamics between parents and children and can really help you recognise some of the issues that exist and why the children are in care. During these meetings I generally sit back and observe rather than being too hands on.

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